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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418019">Dom's Diner</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse'>IAmANonnieMouse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Inception (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:07:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hullo, I’d like the Three Finger Combo, please.”</p><p>“Would you a like a drink with that?” Arthur asks. Internally, he’s screaming.</p><p>“Hm, actually,” the customer says with a grin, "do you think I can handle the Large Sausage Sub Combo?”</p><p>Arthur groans. “God, I hate this job."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arthur/Eames (Inception)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinvati/gifts">deinvati</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was spawned by the usual chaos that happens in our group chat. There is no other logical explanation. And because we're all chaotic beings, there are two versions of this fic -- hence the two chapters. DEI THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dom,” Arthur says urgently, “we need to have a serious conversation.”</p><p>Dom squints at him. “Why? Are you quitting? You can’t quit, I haven’t even finished your hiring paperwork yet!”</p><p>Arthur glances at him, then turns to stare at the menu again. It’s mounted to the wall behind the counter, over his head. <i>Problematic</i> doesn’t even begin to describe it. “Just burn it,” he says. “Burn my paperwork, forget you ever knew me. I’ll certainly be trying to forget I ever knew <i>you.</i>”</p><p>“Arthur,” Dom says, “I think you’re overreacting just a bit.”</p><p>“You don’t even know what I’m reacting <i>to!</i>”</p><p>“Exactly,” Dom says, “but whatever it is, I’m sure it’s something we can fix easily.”</p><p>Arthur hesitates. “Okay, fine, but you have to fix it fast, before our first customer gets here and orders—”</p><p>Just then, someone standing behind him says, “Hullo, I’d like the Three Finger Combo, please.”</p><p><i>“That,”</i> Arthur says with a loud sigh. He plasters a brittle smile on his face and spins around to face their customer as Dom vanishes into some other room to do…whatever Dom does when he isn’t coming up with horrible combo names. </p><p>“Would you a like a drink with that?” Arthur asks the customer. Internally, he’s screaming.</p><p>“Hm, actually,” the customer says and leans his forearms on the counter. He’s wearing a salmon-colored shirt with an obscenely splayed collar, and Arthur thinks, half-hysterically, that if he were not currently trapped in the absolute, singular <i>worst</i> day of his life, he would try to flirt with this man simply for the sake of pointing out his questionable wardrobe choices.</p><p>“Do you think I can handle the Large Sausage Sub Combo?” the man asks with a grin. </p><p>“God, I hate this job,” Arthur groans. </p><p>The man laughs quietly. “Fine, can I get the three finger and a Diet Coke?”</p><p>Arthur shakes his head and dutifully rings up the order.</p><p>“So,” the man says, “how long have you worked here?”</p><p>Arthur raises an eyebrow. “Today’s the grand opening. We unlocked the doors twenty minutes ago.”</p><p>The man nods. “I see. Bad day, darling?”</p><p>Arthur snorts. “Could be better.” He gestures over his head at the menu. “You know, if the owner just gave combo orders numbers <i>like everyone else</i>.”</p><p>The man’s eyes widen slightly, and he cackles, leaning more of his weight on the counter. “Oh, <i>please</i> don’t tell him, darling, I promise to give him my repeat business if you don’t tell him.”</p><p>Arthur glares at him, and looks down at the register. “You still have to pay for your food, you know.”</p><p>The man pulls out his wallet with a grin. “Keep the change, darling.”</p><p>Arthur sighs and tells the kitchen to cook up one Three Finger Combo.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I named them what they are so people won’t get confused!” Dom cries. “I don’t know what you’re upset about!"</p><p>“Yeah?” Arthur crosses his arms. “Then explain the Like My Men Combo!”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s an unusually high volume of balloons and streamers on the street today, which naturally catches Eames’ attention. He walks toward the highest concentration of pizzazz and pauses when he sees a line of people stretching out the door of a building.</p><p><i>Dom’s Diner,</i> the sign says. Underneath, someone’s strung a lopsided, hand-painted banner that says GRAND OPENING!!!!!!!!</p><p>Eames decides he simply must investigate. “You been waiting long?” he asks the woman in front of him.</p><p>She sighs. “One of the workers is refusing to serve people. I’m on my lunch break. Might have to go somewhere else.”</p><p>Eames hums. “I’ll go investigate and report back, how’s that?” He grins at her then pushes his way through the crowd.</p><p>It turns out that everyone is standing outside; inside he can see two men, one of them gesticulating wildly. The door isn’t locked, but when Eames reaches for it, the twenty-something year old closest to him says, “Uh, dude, wouldn’t recommend. The guy in there’s, like, super pissed.”</p><p>“Duly noted,” Eames says with a smile, and he swings the door open. </p><p>“And I will <i>not</i> serve those people,” one of the men is shouting, “if you <i>insist</i> on these obscene combo names!”’</p><p>The other man squints. “Obscene? Arthur, you’re overreacting, and even worse—we’re losing business! Get over it!”</p><p>“Dom,” Arthur growls, “you really want to listen to customers asking for our Fishy Box Combo? Or our Large Sausage Sub Combo? Oh, wait, how about the Double Fisting It Combo?”</p><p>“I named them what they are so people won’t get confused!” Dom cries. “I don’t know what you’re upset about! A two cheeseburger meal needs two hands! So it’s Double Fisting it!”</p><p>Arthur rubs his forehead. “There is so much wrong with that statement.”</p><p>“You’re the one who’s wrong,” Dom says with a pout. “My combo names are fine.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Arthur crosses his arms. “Then explain the Like My Men Combo!”</p><p>Dom throws his hands in the air. “It’s a black coffee and a sticky bun! I don’t know how I can be any clearer!”</p><p>Eames can’t help his laughter “This is the best diner I’ve ever seen,” he declares. </p><p>Arthur and Dom pause and turn to face him. </p><p>“Who are you?” Dom asks, squinting.</p><p>“And why are you in here?” Arthur asks with a glare.</p><p>“Saw the confetti,” Eames says nonchalantly. “And if it isn’t too much of a bother, I would <i>love</i> the Three Finger Combo and a Diet Coke.”</p><p>They both stare at him blankly.</p><p>“And,” Eames continues, “I think the crowd outside would love some food, too. Think any of them can handle the Large Sausage?”</p><p>Arthur glares at him. “<i>No.</i> We are <i>not</i> doing this. We’re going to use a number system just like <i>everyone else in the world.</i>”</p><p>“Oh, please don’t,” Eames begs. “I promise to give you guys my repeat business if you don’t change the names.”</p><p>Dom grins at him. “I like you,” he declares. “You can come back whenever you want!”</p><p>Arthur groans and walks over to the front door to let the line of customers in.</p><p>The twenty-something year old eagerly orders the Double Fisting It Combo. Eames doesn't even try to hold back his laughter at the expression on Arthur's face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dei came up with all these combo names and most of the dialogue, too! I just put it to paper. Erm, screen.</p><p>Make sure you check out the comments to see the AMAZING graphics Flos made! I'm still laughing hysterically over this madness we've spawned!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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